Blogetary (Weblog + Commentary = Blogetary)

The last six months or more since the economy has noticeably tanked, businesses going down in flames, people losing jobs, losing health care, losing homes, banks getting bailouts while small businesses have nowhere to go for the extra helping hand they need, has placed people on careful footing. It’s been a financial earthquake.

Before an earthquake, you trust that gravity works and that there is nothing so safe and solid as the ground beneath your feet. After an earthquake, you’re not nearly so sure. In either case, what you have and what you have lost are thrown into sharp relief, and you are no longer able to take anything for granted. At least, for the most part. But the difference between a physical earthquake and a financial earthquake, I think, is that in a physical earthquake, when a person needs help, they’re stuck in a building or they’ve lost their family or can’t find their pet, or don’t know where to go, they ask for help. They have no problem with asking for help after a physical disaster. But for some reason, people seem to have a much more difficult time asking for help during and after a financial disaster.

In our society, there is a stigma attached to anyone who asks for help when they need it, especially financially. And there is a stigma attached to accepting help that’s given for free or for low cost.  I was talking to someone the other day who said she gives free weight management classes and no one shows up. But when she charges for something, everyone shows up. When I talk to someone about my doctor and the kind of care I receive and they ask about my insurance, as soon as I tell them I am still using a free clinic in my area their face closes up. I am stamped with the stigma of “free assistance.” It hurts to see that when it happens, yet, something I’ve been learning over and over this last year and a half is that it never hurts to ask. In fact, it could hurt you more if you don’t ask.

There are programs and agencies and people out there just waiting to help people with their needs. They want to help people with their needs. In fact, they feel a calling to help people with their needs. And sometimes it’s okay to admit you are one of those people who needs help. And it’s okay to let those people help you. Why? 1) You obviously need the help, 2) it’s probably good for you to be in the position of being the requester for help and their may be some very good lesson you need to learn here, 3) you are helping the person with the helping vocation fulfill their calling.

Most sacred texts in the world do not find any fault with the person who humbly asks for help. These same texts, however, do find “pride” and “arrogance” a fault and a sin that needs to be gotten rid of when it gets in the way of a person’s development. Therefore, not asking for help, worrying what other people will think when they find you are asking for and receiving that help, is simply pride getting in the way of your own development. In the end, you are the only one in charge of your life. You are the only one who knows all the circumstances involved in making difficult decisions. So, it doesn’t do you any good to worry about what other people think.

Believe me. I’ve been there. I’ve worried about what people thought when I saw them putting me or someone else I knew into that “box,” whatever that box was (let’s call it the box of stigma). You can try to explain or brush things under the rug until you’re blue in the face, and it won’t matter. They may or may not choose to keep you or someone else in that box of stigma. The point is, it doesn’t do any good to worry about what they think. In fact, it’s simply pride on your part. On their part, it’s something else. But as Aslan would say, their story is their story. The only story you need worry about is your own.

So, if you need help, don’t be afraid to look around and ask. Seek out the discounts. Look for the free services. Look for the free educational materials that may help you to deal with a health problem. It never hurts to ask.